April

Its over.

Five and a half years at TIFR are over. I submitted my PhD thesis and got my send-off from the department.

I had no clue how much this would choke me.

p.s. I wish I could have thanked all the people in a more befitting and just manner. I should have thanked my advisor, all the postdocs, and my best friends (you guys know who u r). And most importantly, the office staff – they were a fabulous bunch of people.

Pack-up

The last month was like the penultimate 5 mins of a whodunit flick. You know that part, where a certain Mr. Felu Mitter (or Mr. Ray from behind the scenes if you please) gets all condescending and explains to mere mortals the hidden truth? The part where he can point out with impunity, what you did not see. The part that sets everything in context, makes sure we get the big-picture right. Wrapping up. The word has a good feel to it.

In life, unlike movies, we often tend to misjudge the length of the “scene”. We often say “pack-up” before it is time. Such miscalculations can’t be helped, given the complex nature of the plot, and the gargantuan (I also always wanted to use that word, Mr. Tarantino!) scale of the production. Yet, at the risk of being wrong, I believe now is pack-up time.

The busy vacuum

It is a very strange feeling. It should have been a good feeling – the last 5 years have been spent fruitfully, and I am all set for at least the next 3. But it feels weird. On one hand there have been major and minor tragedies – some only remotely affect me, and some not that remote.

Then there are decisions, decisions, and more decisions. I don’t know if its even about making a decision. Its mostly about watching the events unfold, as we extrapolate and worry about future – and take hypothetical decsions about hypothetical situations.

And the immediate tangible issues remain. After all its easier to worry about things that I can’t do much about, than do something about things that I really have some control over.

At some level, things will need to change.

Live to tell the tale

Describing years of works in an hour is not easy, especially not the first time.

Nor is remembering every tiny detail about Dirac spinors that you fussed over 5 years ago.

So messing it up was practically guaranteed.

Still, that wasn’t the hardest part of the day.

The taxi strike meant that i had to walk all the way from Nariman Point after downing a Gujrati Thali!

Not that i am complaining

Talking Mirror

Despite being on vacation at a not-to-be-disclosed location in South Italy, I can’t resist drumming a few words when I am desperate to remember something I thought was important. I was reading Tariq Ali’s, “The Clash of the Fundamentalists”.  And I was yet looking at my confusion and ignorance – about self, people and the World. I was asking myself “What is the World I would want to live in”…

This is somewhat separate from the eternal confusion about “What do I really want in my Life”, but I think I found an important road to the answer to both of these questions.

If we ask ourselves “What would I really want to teach about Life/World to a kid”, I think we may learn a few things somewhat better.

Cuil

Every search engine post-Google has a challenge that Google never had to face.

Match up to Google.

So when Cuil came up, I was naturally tempted to test it.

I tried a few innocuous terms, it did fairly well, though never quite surprised me with anything.

Then the devil in me winked and I typed “cuil” against the stark black background, and guess what?

No link to their own webpage!

Ok, now you will say they are being modest.

So I try “cuil search”.

screenshot

Still nothing!

I guess time will tell if this engine has what it takes to compete with Google, but I am definitely not switching yet.

Down Under

Yup! I am back after a hiatus. I was off to NZ and Australia for some conferences. It was fun.

Pictures from melbourne and christchurch.

Meanwhile, a lot has been happening. I am trundling down the rails towards the end of my Ph.D, much like a wrecked train about to hit the wall. With so much happening just in the final six months, I can tell you I will not be bored for quite some time now.

I have been (and will be) travelling extensively over the next few months due to work-related reasons. That apart there are papers to write, grants to apply for, synopsis and thesis to write and if there still be time…catch up on some reading.

Basically since last Fall my life has been like:

Oct-Dec: write paper

Dec-Jan: Attend conference in Chennai, Write another paper.

Feb-March: Attend Conference in Allahabad, Write another paper.

Mar-April: Work on papers, Apply for Visa.

May-June: Attend conferences in Christchurch and Melbourne, Write 2 more papers, Visit Home.

July: Get passport renewed, Write 2 grant proposals, Work on a paper, Write synopsis.

and if everything goes OK, it is going to be like

August: Synopsis seminar? German visa? Visit MPI, Munich.

September: Visit Bari, Attend conference at Otranto

October: Apply for post-docs, Write thesis.

November: Visit some places in US.

December: Defend thesis. Leave.

Hmppppp…and I am not even talking about more personal issues

Lets see how I fare at this bout.

flowers

Slowly, first.

Their colors turn a slimy black mass.

(that is the most awful part of their lives)

and then one morning,

you have wooden flowers in your vase.

Slow down. You move too fast…

said Simon and Garfunkel.

And the same sentiment is reflected in Roger Cohen’s latest NYT Op-Ed. Read it. And Imbibe. I mean the advice of course.